all there is...

is in the knowing that this never has to end.


[O]: matt miller

i love hardcore. still.

here's to an easy week.

it's monday. it's 4 am. i'm about to get dressed in blue polyester and head to the airport for work. i'd much rather be in bed. but i'll be damned if this didn't make me smile and put me in a better mood. hope it does the same for you.

peter funch.

i came across some of peter funch's images and found them really interesting. it turns out that he takes multiple photos from the same spot and uses photoshop to create a composite image. pretty interesting results.







more here

i don't wanna grow up.

i recently heard a joke: what's the difference between a hardcore kid and a savings bond?


- a savings bond matures and makes money.

__________________________________________________________________

this is a weird thing to talk about, but i always feel awkward hanging out with people who didn't come from the same sort of background i did. not necessarily the hardcore scene, but just something different than the status quo. at work i interact with people for whom music was something that just played on the radio, not something that was obsessed over. i feel like we can never truly understand each other. i have on a few occasions found myself trying to describe the scene that i came from, mostly when the X's tattooed on me are noticed, and it's always difficult to explain.

i don't want to get overrun with nostalgia here, but i don't think i can understate just how important hearing minor threat (and other early bands) has been to my life. i can trace so much back to those first moments. sitting in my room reading a lyric sheet along with music being played faster and with more emotion than anything i had ever heard before. it was like every song was written for me. i can remember feeling like i had been let into a secret society. from there other bands followed, mostly youth crew bands of the late 80's who were still bands at that point. they were my rock stars, despite being only a few years older than me (or in some cases the same age).

how can those songs, 22 years after first hearing them still be so important? how can i still be so indebted to a scene that most people leave behind and never look back towards? i suppose that i credit it for introducing me to so many things that define me. veganism, politics, straight edge, the do-it-yourself ethic... those can all be traced back to a few moments of listening to records. those records would ultimately lead me towards being in bands, writing zines, booking shows, and stuffing myself into cars and driving thousands of miles all over the country to see bands. so many memories and friendships that still exist today were forged in those days.

perhaps i'm no better than a high school quarter back reliving his state championship years later. but i don't think that's the case, because honestly, i don't feel like this is over. i don't feel like i've done all i can or will here and i'm not ready to stop being a hardcore kid. i hope i never am.

there is a light...

i made these. this is one of my favorite songs in the world. i wanted to make one of these for myself, and in doing so i decided to make some more and test the etsy waters with them. and now i'm advertising them here. thanks!

here they are!

we are unbreakable.

i used to live with two little girls. i used to brush their teeth and lay out their clothes. i used to read stories to them before bed and make them breakfast in the morning. i used to explain things to them, how things work, the way the world is. our lives were as intertwined as any could be. when they were little i would measure the age of my earliest memory against their ages. i was terrified that if i somehow died they wouldn't remember me. it would keep me up at night. i am not really scared of or preoccupied with death but the thought of them not remembering my face and my voice was the worst thing i could think of.



i am not going to go into the story, but i don't live with them anymore. i live many miles from them and i don't get to see them nearly enough. this human ability to adapt is amazing. if you would have told me that i could live like this, away from them, i wouldn't have believed it. i wouldn't have wanted to believe it. but here it is, an ache that never really leaves. i have often thought of writing them a letter to be opened later, explaining things. telling them that this was never what i wanted. that i tried and i still want to try. but i never have written that letter. i hope maybe they already know these things. i hope that it's in the half dozen 'i love you's' at the end of phone calls and the crying eyes at our goodbyes.

someday, and i hope someday soon. jobs and stars and lives will align and we will pick up where we left off. fingers crossed.

my favorite days.

i don't know if i can fully express how excited i am about baseball season being back upon us. i love the game. i love the pace and the strategy, and i love that there are games almost every day. i love listening to the games on a little AM radio while i'm on the train to work. i am not going to sit here and try to wax poetic about baseball, but i will say that there is something so magical about it for me. the coming spring. the days growing longer and warmer. the rebirth and hope. and with my team hope is never in short supply. here's to hoping for many sunny days in the bleachers this season.